Grocery Store Confessions: Why I Shop Among the Superior.

Every so often, when I’m feeling really confident, I shop among the health and planet hugging elite at Whole Foods. I don’t have enough authentic looking cloth bags to go there for a major grocery expedition — or enough money. Plus I don’t like feeling conspicuous for wanting my tortilla chips salted and my lips glossed.

I am not comfortable among mothers who load dangerously vitamin engorged vegetables right on top of their babies in their strollers because even food carts are a waste of resources — and then say to other members of the Smug Shopping Club, “Oh, look, my six-month old is eating kale!”
Hell, yes, since a giant leaf is laying over her face.

But there’s something that drives me to put my hair in a low pony tail, scrub my cheeks too hard for a fake wind burned effect, and wear flat brown shoes. It’s a specialty food item I can only find at ye olde health food store: yummy, creamy, tangy, high calorie, proudly-packaged-in-molded-plastic Just Desserts LEMON CAKE! (with no trans fats, of course.)

And the uglier truth is, there are lots of inappropriate, unhealthy, irresponsibly wrapped treats at Whole Foods, right next to those expensive organic apples with the dark bruises all over them. Borrow some khakis and see for yourself.