Bragger Dictionary

• Anti-brag: A method employed by enlightened or reformed MBs. Trash talk your own child in what is usually a failed attempt to bring a practicing MotherBragger to conscious awareness mid-BO. (MB: “I’m worried my daughter hurt her hand making that winning shot last night.”; AMB: “I know. I worry about my son’s tendinitis from all the time he spends playing video games.”)
• BM: Bragger Mom.
• BO: Bragging Opportunity. Clever boasters can find BO anywhere and make BO out of any situation.
• Boomerang: Rarest of all brags that comes in the form of overhearing your child say something positive about you. MotherBraggers can grow frothy recounting a Boomerang.
• BragFest: Special occasions that allow MotherBragging to go beyond normal boundaries, as in a family Holiday letter, or a reply to an email in which someone asks you how your kids are doing.
• Captive Brag: The most satisfying level of BO that occurs when a MotherBragger has a victim alone and cornered in a classroom, gym, church hall, or bathroom.
• Cross-bragging: When two or more mothers attempt to brag at the same time.
• Father: MotherBragger in male form.
• Gotcha Brag: Method for deftly placing a MotherBrag into a conversation by presenting it within the framework of a story about the child that initially sounds negative. (“My son’s teeth look so bad that his orthodontist says we should put his braces back on. Like I’d be able to force my big, strong 6-foot son to do that!)
• KIA: Know It All.
• MB: MotherBragger.
• MotherBragger ALERT: A nearly acceptable way to occasionally mitigate the numbing effect of bragging by “humorously” announcing you’re about to let it rip.
• Motherverse: Where mothers’ beliefs, behaviors, perspectives, opinions, tastes, style, abilities, and especially irritants, define the existence of everyone and everything in their sphere.
• ORS: Officially Recognized as Special. The level every MotherBragger strives to achieve for her children, though for most of us, it’s tragically never  much more than a Participation Trophy.
• Side Brag: Occurs on-site at a child’s exhibition of their particular ability (dance concert, piano recital, baseball game), where an entire bleacher full of mothers can potentially hear bragging about what a particular amazing child is doing right before their very eyes, or at any of the other many activities where this child excels.
• SMM: Superior Mother Moment. The chance for a mother to speak about the superior job she’s doing evidenced by something honorable or inspiring the child has done as a direct result of her mothering skills.