Dental Professionals Have More BO

I went to the dentist today.  Keep reading,
I promise this won’t be too boring or too gruesome.

I have had the same chatty hygienist intimately nose-to-mouth with me, scaling chocolate-caused fur off my teeth, for about 20 years. (Well, a little gruesome).  On the other hand, the teenager who recently bought the practice from my old dentist is a virtual stranger to me.  In fact, when I needed to call his office about my appointment, I realized I didn’t actually know his name.

Like other dental professionals, these two enjoy asking questions while they have all their hands in your mouth.  This is the way they get to do all of the talking, and I suppose considering how icky dental work can be, that’s a perk of sorts.  But it also means their MotherBragging can run thick and long as spit.

The hygienist was going about her scraping business, pausing occasionally for some witty banter, when she flung out a MotherBrag.  ”My son just got into Dental School. He’s the only student from here to get in.  I’m really proud of him. He’s only 22.  I’m really proud of him.”

MotherBrag — skaadooshhh — signed, sealed and delivered interference-free because a hooky sucking thing was filling my gurgling, open maw.

My assessment of this BO, however, is that she earned it.  (And I get to make MotherBragger assessments because it is my self-appointed field of authority).  First of all, in teeth years, I’ve known her forever. Secondly, she’s willing to wait patiently, tools in the air, to hear what I have to say.  Most importantly, when she talks about her much loved children, she usually characterizes them as giant pains in her ass.

So in comes the chentist (too young to be considered a grown-up dentist) for his 5% of the appointment that earns him 95% of the money.  As he’s tilting my chair up to inform me I need a new crown (of course I do), he says, “I’ve got to brag a little bit about what we’ve done here.  I’ve got to show you something.”

I prepared to make a polite comment because I thought maybe he’d show me how all the dental records had been computerized since the old-school owner retired.  Imagine my stunned silence when I was instead catapulted straight into a giant photo of his new baby girl. And a photo of his wife. And another photo of his wife with the new baby.  He didn’t care that I didn’t know his name.

Now I don’t begrudge this guy his first-child enthusiasm.  But as Dr. Kid, DDS, he has all-day access to hundreds just like me, helpless strangers mute in his chair.  His new baby BOs can be constant, and are way too easy to accomplish.   No chasing anyone down while they’re buying feminine products and ice cream.  True MotherBragging, as we all know, takes strategy and effort.  Those in the dental profession will always have an unfair advantage.