Does Success Exist in Obscurity?

Maybe the whole Mother Bragging epidemic can be partially attributed to modern technology, plus our society’s obsession with fame. Or maybe it’s the insecurity born of the old question, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”

Because it seems there is no way to derive any satisfaction from our children’s accomplishments – or our own – if we simply keep the information to ourselves. If we don’t brag about it, maybe the ‘achievement’ didn’t really happen?

Even for those mothers who actually realize that their bragging will seldom if ever be met with the enthusiasm they’re looking for, it’s nearly impossible to not tell someone that Chris got the award, Reid got the promotion, Sara got the whatever.

And the bragging stakes have never been higher. Pre-school dance class is now a prerequisite for high school cheerleading which could lead to any one of a number of TV dancing talent shows, which could ultimately mean a movie roll or a country album!

Back in the day, high school homecoming queen/football quarterback was not only the top of the heap, it was definitely the end of the road. And for those old-timey, non-helicopter, stay-at-home, cell phone-less moms without their own cars, there was no efficient way to get the word out anyhow.

So we’ve come a long way on many fronts, and the unintentional consequences have included the exponential growth of MotherBragging. But let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that your child’s selection as school newspaper editor does not lead to Harvard or a book deal. Or their love for singing at two years old, does not equal Julliard, Broadway, or an appearance on Oprah. Or simply that the comp soccer may not mean a college scholarship.

That’s reality for the majority of us, who must accept that success, no matter how small, has big value — even if Oprah never hears about it.

Will I Find Time to Brag? Another List.

Issued by doctors, journalists, and especially Oprah, the warning is the same: do THESE IMPORTANT THINGS, or else…live unhealthy, unproductive, empty lives, then die young, wrinkly, and full of regret.

All THESE IMPORTANT THINGS are said to be fairly simple, and, with a little planning and discipline, take only a few minutes each to accomplish.

Not a big deal, right?

In order to fulfill my obligations to myself, my family and the world, I merely have to:

1. Gag down a giant multi-vitamin, and calcium with magnesium, and Vitamin D, Omega 3s and iron twice a day.
2. Exercise a minimum of 30 minutes, somehow including cardio and weights, every day.
3. Meditate and give thanks for something every day.
4. Wear sunscreen every day.
5. Get 15 to 30 minutes of unprotected sun every day.
6. Eat breakfast, preferably, slow-cook, steel-cut oatmeal, every day.
7. Drink 8 large glasses of tap water every day.
8. Read to my children every day.
9. Read to myself every day.
10. Have sex 3-5 times a week.
11. Prepare, or organize other family members to prepare, a sit-down dinner every night.
12. Shop local for fresh, healthy food at the lowest prices.
13. Hang my clean laundry outside to line-dry.
14. Help my children with their homework assignments, patiently.
15. Assist my children with cooking and cleaning chores, which takes twice as long as doing them myself.
16. Do volunteer work and get my whole family to participate.
17. Do cross-word puzzles to keep my mind sharp.
18. Wait up past midnight for my son to make sure he gets in safely and relatively on time, and so he knows he will always have to talk to me when he gets home.
19. Watch for any suspicious activities in my neighborhood.
20. Go to church.
21. Plant a garden.
22. Recycle and compost.
23. Read parenting articles, the newspaper, and school newsletters and react to all the valuable information in a timely manner.
24. Pay attention and understand all the household bills and family investments.
25. Spend time with my parents who live in another state.
26. Write thank you notes and sit on my children to do the same.
27. Ride my bike to work.
28. Remember to shop for, or better, create thoughtful gifts for Christmas, birthday and other assorted occasions for my friends, family and acquaintances.
29. Have a date night with my husband once a week.
30. Go away on vacations without my children.
31. Plan and go on vacations that build memories with my children.
32. Spend time with friends.
33. Save money.
34. Help in the classroom, drive on field trips, go to all parent/teacher conferences.
35. Get my children to monthly orthodontia appointments so they aren’t in braces for decades, and I don’t get charged for missing appointments.
36. Have annual mammograms, physicals and biannual dental exams and then make the multiple follow-up appointments to fix whatever is messed up.
37. Get my kids to doctor appointments and be informed enough and sufficiently awake to remember to ask for the latest vaccinations, blood tests, and/or exams that I’ve read about.
38. Take a 20-minute nap every afternoon.
39. Make sure my kids are always too busy to ever make a bad decision or get in trouble.
40. Attend all my kids’ performances and athletic events because if I miss one, they will remember
    that I never came to any.
41. Do a great job at work and be willing to take on additional assignments during these tough economic times.
42. Be there when my kids get home from school.
43. Get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

I know there’s more! What IMPORTANT THINGS have I left off this list?

Your Good Cooking Makes Me Look Bad.

My son has a friend whose parents are gourmet cooks. My husband and I are more the pasta boiling-barbecue variety.
And tired. And lazy.

Maybe you can tell where this is heading. Any time my son goes to this kid’s house, anywhere between 2:30 pm
and 9:30 pm, he comes home manically raving about the incredible food he had to eat.

To make matters more humiliating, this could happen on any random Wednesday. These highly unusual people have a full-course homemade dinner, complete with meat, potatoes, vegetables, and dessert, I’ve been told, every stupid night of the week.

I know, I know. I’ve read the articles and seen the TV PSAs. I believe in Oprah! Families are supposed to be sitting down to dinner at a big round table with a gingham tablecloth every night in order to save our kids, our bank accounts and our planet. I get it. Another important guilt-provoking pronouncement. But until we eliminate moms who work full time, kids who play multiple sports and multiple instruments and weren’t disciplined to eat whatever’s put in front of them (to name only a few excuses), nightly dinner all together at home will continue to be more difficult than it should be.

But that’s a bigger discussion for another time. I just want to be petty here.

Theses parents make us look bad. Especially if their kid ever comes over here between the hours of 2:30 and 9:30. We fire up the barbecue even if it’s February, and hope he doesn’t consider it too common to have a burger, even with leaf lettuce.

Worst of all, after a lifetime of brainwashing my child on the wisdom of not eating meat, he’s over at the neighbor’s scarfing down marinated Porter House and pork loin like he’s never been fed before.

This scenario haunts me particularly because I predict my son will marry a woman whose parents are just like these people. Which will make it clear that we are the highly unusual ones, with our best dinner effort being veggie pasta salad and water-rinsed fruit at the breakfast bar.